Need suggestions for children's books about foster care

We made a trip to the library today. I got a few books on foster care. Mainly autobiographies. I will read them before I give my thoughts on them. After all, books are much like movies that way, aren't they? The summary makes it sound like an excellent story, but then you get inside and the style of writing ruins it.

Doodle Bear wants to read "A Child Called 'It'" by Dave Pelzer. I've decided to let her. She is a mature 10 year old and I believe she can handle the reality that is child abuse.

We are a pretty open family. We talk about everything and make it as realistic as possible. If there is a question that we feel we cannot answer in an age appropriate way then we will tell them that. I feel that by doing this it opens the floor to them so that they do not feel like there are some off-limits subjects. As a teenager, Honey Bear would bring his friends to us for advice and pep talks. He still does. There was one friend who was being promiscuous and he was concerned. So, I talked to her to figure out why she felt she needed to do that. It wasn't a lecture, but a genuine "it doesn't have to be this way if you don't want it to be" kind of discussion. I am so proud of that girl! She stopped the destructive behavior and is now a Junior in college. :)

We have discussed some of the issues that "the kids" will have dealt with and what kinds of behavior we can expect. I want to prepare them for the fact that they will be dealing with things that we have not had to deal with in our family and they will react differently to things we take for granted.

Anyway.... I am rambling. The point of this post is this:

I looked for some kids' books for foster children. They had a total of 2.

"Mama One, Mama Two" by Patricia MacLachlan

"For Your Own Good: A Child's Book about Living in a Foster Home" by Doris Sanford.

 

 

Now, don't get me wrong. They look like great books. I don't have anything against them. But, they didn't seem to be very young kid friendly. Well, "Mama One, Mama Two" was nice and had a happy-ish ending, but what if the child comes from a more abusive type situation? Or what if there is not much hope for reunification? That just seems to set the child up for disappointment, in my opinion.

 

So, I came home and looked online. Amazon.com has some really cute books. More of a selection than I originally thought.

 

My question is this:

 

What early childhood books regarding foster care do you recommend? I could really use your opinions since our local bookstores don't carry these in the store. I donated the majority of our "little kid" books to each of our kids' Kindergarten classes so I need to get some new ones anyway. 

DCS checking in

Received a call from DCS "just checking in" today. She was very business-like (not rude or snooty, just straight to the point) at the beginning of the call. She wanted to see if we had signed up for training yet. When I told her that I registered my husband and myself as soon as I got off the phone with the lady who entered us into the system, she became very sweet and friendly. :D It was pretty funny. Maybe they receive a lot of calls that end up being dead ends? I don't know.

All I know is that they have no reason to doubt that we are 100% committed to these children.... and we haven't even met anyone yet.

This wait reminds me of pregnancy. You know it's coming but it seems to take forever.

SO excited!

Letter to myself

Dear Me,

Whenever you are sad when a little one leaves your home or is sent back into the abuse.... Whenever you are faced with feeling like a failure as a mom, wife, and/or human being.... Whenever you come up against unorganized and neglectful adults who you must butt heads with in order to receive the care that your little one(s) need and deserve.... Whenever you question why you began foster parenting to begin with.... Whenever you are faced with any other adversity.... I want you to read this. Over and over, until it is so engraved on your soul that you know it to be true.

Your shame does not define who you are. The strength and determination that you had to survive is what defines you.

God designed you to be a foster mom and I am proud of you for being brave enough to overcome your own demons in order to help and protect other children.

God. Designed. You.

Although He did not allow bad things to happen to you, He has used every single thing to prepare you for your destiny.

• Before you were born, you may have been so unwanted by your father that he tried to kill you only a month before you were born. You were not injured. You did not die. The doctor said it was a miracle. You were born. For a reason.

• When you were molested so traumatically at 4 years old, and after you told your mom and she left you with him again anyway, and you were unable to protect yourself from him once again.... IT. WAS. NOT. YOUR. FAULT! You were a child! You could not protect yourself. You should not have been forced to protect yourself. It was your mother's responsibility and she failed you, not only when she left you there with him to go on her date, but also when she ignored you afterwards and did not seek help for you. The Sunday School teacher who you told should have done something more than shake her head at you. It was her own discomfort that made her choose not to act. Not because you were dirty or didn't deserve to be advocated for. You could not have known how to cope and you should not feel guilty for carrying the guilt with you for 30+ years. Because, you see, God grew you into a passionate advocate for children. When any child is around you, you make sure they are safe and secure. Always. Without fail.

• Regardless of the reasoning that your mother had for not spending time with you and not meeting your emotional needs, the fact remains that it was not caused by you. You were not designed to be her verbal punching bag. You were not unworthy of her love and affection. You were good enough. You were not a mistake. It was her own problem for acting that way. It is not an excuse that she was repeating her own parents' mistakes.... because YOU changed that pattern! And there is no reason that she couldn't have. However, because you did have those feelings and those experiences, you now know what other kids need to hear. You know all too well how it feels to be a burden and to feel all alone in your grief. You know the shame of not wanting anyone else to know, in case they confirm that yes, you are indeed a mistake. You are a kindred spirit with the abused and neglected. You will be the one who can (at the very least) plant the seed that they are not a waste of life, but are a precious gift of God.

• You lost your best friend to foster care for a reason. Before that you had no idea there even was such a thing. When she told you her story and you felt that unmistakable knowledge deep down in your soul, you KNEW that God was calling you to be a foster parent. There has never been a doubt. She may have only been in your life for a short time, but she left her impression on your heart forever.

• By the time you were 14 and were raped, you may have been able to speak up and tell someone but you should not feel guilty for not telling anyone. You were already taught that adults don't protect you and by that time you already felt as though you deserved it somehow. I am proud of you for finally believing that you are worthy of protection and that you were not born for the benefit of pedophiles. Because you have come so far you will be able to teach other children what you have learned. It may have taken a very long time to learn to cope, but you did learn. And that's what matters.

• God gave you a rambunctious son to teach you to look outside the box and to get creative with disciplining. It taught you how to advocate at school and to hold teachers accountable for being idiots. You counteracted all of the negative things he was told and taught him how to stand up to bullies, how to cope with depression, and how to believe in himself. You taught him to celebrate the fact that he is not just like everyone else. You encourage individuality and looking beyond a book's cover. Look how terrific he turned out!

• Your daughters are so much like you in their compassion, generosity, and loving nature. Think of the joy you feel when they are so friendly to strangers, and when they help everyone without expecting anything in return. They are well known for their respect and acceptance of those who are different from them. Be proud, Momma! It's ok that Sunshine Bear and Silly Bear take after your shy side sometimes. They are not timid for the same reasons as you. They are just as emotionally healthy as Doodle Bear. Being shy is not a bad thing. Pretending to be invisible is. They don't do that.

• During your time as a Girl Scout leader, class mom multiple times,  PTO officer, babysitting, and all the other involvement with children, you learned different personalities and what was most effective in getting them to listen. You have always been drawn to the "underdog", the kid who got in trouble the most. This was not by chance. You have a tender place in your heart for them and want to give them love and encouragement instead of taking the easy road and punishing them.

• Even when you worked as a pediatric nurse, you were the "go to" nurse to get the difficult kids to do things. Remember the twins who would scream when you came anywhere around them? After a few months they actually smiled whenever they saw you! You were the only nurse who was able to take their stats without them flipping out in epic proportions. How about little blondie? Remember how her autism was so severe that she wouldn't interact with anyone? But you figured out that by pretending she was a kitty that she would do anything at all for you.... including lying down for a shot! You did that, girl! All because you took the time to study their behavior and adjust to what they felt comfortable with. And don't forget the sweet girl who crawled in your lap and hugged you right after you had just given her some vaccinations.

How many times in your life have you been told that you are "a momma to all" or that you are meant to work with children? This is your destiny, chick. Embrace it. Because you rock at this Momma thing. Even on the bad days.

Remember that you are not perfect and you are going to make mistakes for sure. That doesn't mean that you are a failure. It only means that you are human. Don't put such high standards on yourself. Do your absolute best and be happy with that. God will pick up the slack and everything will be alright.

You may not be able to save every single child, but you can pray that God will turn the bad into good for them. Just like He did for you.

Now.... go change some lives and spread some love. :)

Love,
Me

Foster/Adopt Blogs

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Foster Family Bio Kids' Point of Views

Sunshine Bear came up with an AWESOME idea! She wants to contribute to our blog from the kid's point of view about what it is like to be a foster family. We will keep it as real as possible, while keeping everything anonymous. I'm looking forward to her view and will open the floor to Silly Bear and Baby Bear also. Honey Bear is out on his own, so he won't really have the same experience. Of course, if he wants to contribute I sure won't turn him down. Daddy Bear may even contribute too.

I'm trying to think of something catchy. I can't really call them foster kids because they aren't. They're more foster family kids. But that's still kinda confusing and not clear enough. Hmmmm..... I must spend some more time on this. For now though, my craft room is calling my name. So are my girls. Loudly. Often. And of course, One Direction is on the stereo.

So.... STAY TUNED for some upcoming posts from the kids' POV.

Checking in

Well, there were not any cancellations for the classes that begin today. So.... we will just have to wait until the Thursday classes begin in July. I was really hoping to be able to do the Saturday classes. It would have made things so much easier. Sunshine Bear starts high school this year and will have marching band practices on the same nights as we have training. Plus, with Daddy Bear being a trucker Saturdays are easier to work around. It will make things a bit more difficult, but we will make it work.

Sorry for the absence. We have been getting the house transformed for "the kids". My girls were referring to them as "the foster kids" too often (and loudly) in stores so we had to come up with something else to call them. That way there won't be any slip-ups once the kids are with us.

We found some great deals at a yard sale yesterday. Got some nice clothing for both boys and girls. It was exciting to get started. It was hard to say "no" to some of the adorable outfits that Daddy Bear and the girls kept bringing to my attention. Needless to say, we probably ended up with more than "just a couple of outfits" for each size/gender. But that's okay. I'm quite sure they'll be used. And really, how can anyone pass up $.25-.50 for Carter's and Gymboree and Baby Gap? With no stains!?! Please, girl. Load 'em up, thanks. ;)

Alright, well, I must get started on a craft day with my girls. We have a certain MAJOR BOY BAND concert to attend soon and have some cutesy shirts and matching flip flops and bows to make.

Have a great day! Me? I'm stuck listening to One Direction all day. :) Kidding, kidding. I don't mind. After all, I was/am a Blockhead. That's a New Kids on the Block fanatic for those of you who aren't cool like that. Hehehe

Shopping for car seats and strollers

It has been a few years since we had any need for baby gear. Boy, have things changed! When my girls were babies I looked everywhere for girly, pink stuff. But there was nothing! Now though.... NOW there is TONS!

Graco SnugRide 30 Infant Car Seat - Mirabella

I am in love! I want the incredible adorable pink SO BAD! I can't get a pink stroller because it's not practical. I can't get a pink swing because it's not practical. I can't get a pink bouncer because it's not practical. I don't wanna be must be practical. *sigh* The reality is that as soon as I get something pink we will probably get a call for a boy or two or three. Soooo.... I decided to go with this....





Graco SnugRide 30 Infant Car Seat - Odyssey

It is practical. It is gender neutral. And it's still cute. I'm okay with that. Really, I am. Kinda.

But WAIT! What is this link at the bottom of the product page!?! Oh....Em....Gee!!!!

Elmo Car Seat Cover

Hmmmm.... I do believe that I may have a winner! Now, I can have my pink and have practicality too! I will get one Graco SnugRide 30 Infant Car Seat - Odyssey and one Graco SnugRide 30 Infant Car Seat - Mirabella and one Elmo Car Seat Cover! I am all set for a boy and a girl, 2 boys, or 2 girls!

AND I GET MY PINK! YAY!!!! :D

Now, you may be wondering why I'm so stuck on the Graco brand. It's because I came across something so utterly amazing that I am planning everything else around it. See, I had 2 of my girls 12 months and 10 days apart. Twelve years ago there weren't a lot of double strollers to choose from. I tolerated liked the one we had, but of course there are many more styles and bells and whistles now. While browsing online I came across a terrific double stroller.
 

Graco Ready2Grow LX Stand & Ride Stroller - Odyssey

  



And just look at all the different positions! TWELVE different positions, not including if you use it as a single stroller.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Bn8U8FYPxt0

  



I do believe they must have had foster parents in mind with this genius invention. Way to go, Graco!

DCS DVD

We recieved a DVD on "An Introduction to Foster Parenting". We were so excited to watch it, so as soon as Daddy Bear got home from work we stuck it in the DVD player.

FINALLY, after the "hold on I have to go potty" and "let me go get a blanket" and "can I have a snack" comments, we finally hit play. LOL I don't know why this always happens. I mean, you KNOW that we are sitting down to watch a movie or a show and it isn't as if the bathroom is going to close while we are watching the show. Plus, there is this awesome invention of being able to hit the pause button! ;o)

Anyway, back to what I was saying.... the DVD was very informative. I did find it funny that as the director was talking Daddy Bear said, "How funny is it that they are breaking their own rule of not showing the kids' faces". Low and behold, behind the director were 2 collage picture frames with about 40 kids' faces. HA! It was well thought out and had a perfect balance between comic relief and tear jerker moments. There were experienced foster parents, as well as former foster children.

By the end, I had something in both eyes.

It mainly focused on teens and made me look forward to being able to the time when we can take in that age group. For now we will be doing 4 years and younger until our bio kids all get older.

Now to wait until we get to start training. It just can't get here fast enough. However....

 

 

source

 

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I Heart Daddy Bear!

The following text messages took place between Daddy Bear and I today:

Daddy Bear: I want you to know you have my support in any choice you make about this journey. Know I've got your back no matter what!

Me: Thank you, honey!

Daddy Bear: No, thank you for having the courage to follow your dream. For never giving up and for being the person you are and having the heart that you do. Never let anyone make you think you're not enough for this, because you're perfect for it!

Awwwwww..... (sniff, sniff)

DCS Lady called

I got a voicemail from a lady at DCS. A very lengthy message... LOL... Instructing me to sign up for classes and basically repeating what the first lady said. I thought it was funny that they are already on different pages. But, really, I expected that. They have better things to do than to call each other to follow up with new foster parents' training. ;)

The ball is officially rolling....

I called DCS yesterday morning and left a message letting them know that we are interested in becoming foster/resource parents.

After playing phone tag, we finally caught up with each other. I was advised to call the agency who handles training and register for classes. The lady was very nice and although she started out with a "stressed out" tone, she ended the call in a much brighter mood. We are also supposed to be contacted within the next week from someone else at DCS, and then again every 30 days until we complete training.

I called the agency to register for classes. I was sad to find out that the next round that is available doesn't start until July 11, 2013. I was so hoping to begin sooner. However, they have put us on a list for a Saturday class and will call us if space opens up for my husband and I.

My girls were hoping to be involved with the classes. They want so badly to help. I get that the topics covered may be a little more detailed than what they need to be exposed to, but we have always been a family who is upfront about things. So, I will be instructing private classes for them (leaving out anything too graphic).

So, now we wait on the call from DCS.

EXCITING!